I have writers block.
I have imagination block.
I have brain block.
I am bored, stressed, and very depressed.
I'm jobless, dreamless, and after spending every waking and dreaming moment treading water, I am truly overwhelmed and exhausted. Usually, I write quite well when in a lull. Not this time. I am the lowest I've been in all my life. A slump I just can't seem to climb out of. I've lived in Austin for nearly 5 years and I have no close friends. My life is spent just making ends meet. Between Dr's appt., 70 hour work weeks, 2nd jobs, and 3 Forks Ranch my only moments to steal away is reading under the covers with a flashlight (10yo style) after everyone is asleep. I know millions of people in the world work harder, struggle more, and sacrifice worlds beyond what I have. I suppose it makes me weak and childlike in that I am so unable to handle this level of constant stress and anxiety. I feel sorry and guilty for making my parents constantly worry about me and even worse that I lash out at my husband and save all my smiles and giggles for the Monster.
What kind of life is this?
How do I climb out of the hole I just keep digging?
Maybe if I dig long enough I'll end up in China.