Sunday, March 27, 2011

50 Day Challenge

50 Day Challenge
A Picture of Something Your Afraid of.

Ok, we all know that I am absolutely positively, completely, massively horrified of pipes.
Hands down, biggest fear.

So, I came up with a few others.

See that face?

I'm terrified that I'll lose him.
I honest to goodness don't think I could survive if I lost him.
Sometimes at work or when I leave him with D to go to Church, I have the urge to just say screw the rest of the world and all my obligations, I'm going to be with him.
Luckily, little cricket of conscience reminds me that
a) I kinda need to make money in order to feed that boy that I am so over-protective of and
b) I'm being over protective and that's just not so good for him.
But, if anything happens to him, just a heads up, I'll move to the ocean in a tent and never leave and be some creepy tent-living-ocean-crazy-person.

On the flip side,
I'm also very afraid that we will never be able to have another child.
I am very close to my mother and would love to share that with a little daughter.
As D gets older (sorry D- no offense to your aging meant) :) and all my seeming fertility issues I do lay awake and worry.

My other biggest fear, besides those stupid the DARK.
I'm scared of the dark.
Don't laugh.
I really am.
I like that the upstairs (supposed to be guest bedroom) gets the street light.
Never mind, that D HATES that. He's a black- the -room- out- kinda- sleeper.
I kid you not, my best sleep comes on my lunch break.
I usually just got take 45 minutes in the back seat of my car.
And trust me, in Austin, it's bright.
And on Saturdays and Sundays....
I put O down for his nap and then either sleep outside on a blanket (we don't run air conditioning so in the summer the breeze outside is better for, as O says, seepings) or I open all the blinds and sleep.

So, if I'm afraid of the dark then I obviously hate scary movies.
I can't handle any movie that has murder, violence, rape, bashing, beating.
I watch old musicals (Fred and Ginger, Judy, Gene, Bing, etc. etc) or I watch O movies.
Believe it or not, Finding Nemo USED to be one of my favorite movies.
That has since changed as now I find myself saying "escape" in the Dori voice every time my boss says "ok, now escape out of that window".
Yes, I am so professional.
Oh and scary books are even's my imagination.
too vivid.
Then I have nightmares.
in the dark.
which I am afraid of.
and there are always pipes.

I'll stick to my happy stories with sappy dance scenes.
btw, the first time I made D watch Royal Wedding with Powell and Astaire.
He was ever so confused about Fred dancing on the ceiling.

I also don't do any form of scary story or scary book.
Never read RL Stein (is that right?) or Stephen King or anything with suspense at all.
It makes me curl up into a ball of fear.

Lastly, I'm scared that I know I'll have to feel the pain of loss again.
Grammie was really the first person that I lost that struck my core.
I've lost friends to car wrecks, cancer, an almost uncle to suicide but never anyone like Grammie.
I fear the knowledge that I will have to go through that pain again and that those people will leave my side.
As I re-read that, it is very selfish, and maybe because the pain still (after a year) feels so fresh, I'm just thinking about me.
My beliefs and my faith have taught me not to fear death or even physical pain.
Not that I want anyone that I love to be in pain but I understand the course of life...or at least accept it.
I fear more for the pain that the ones that get left behind will carry with them.
That pain lasts so much longer.

So, memo to all those that I love.
Never leave me.
Thank you,


Harris Family said...

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark is one of my all time favorites.
The illustrations in that thing are beyond creepy.
I love being scared tho...

Anonymous said...

Aren't you happy that Miss Koffman read only "nice" stories to her preschool class and never showed them a movie in which the lights had to be turned off? Guess with all the windows in the classroom we would all have been fine. We did happy things like sing songs and did fingerplays, painted cardboard boxes to look like pumpkins, and had our own special police officer friend visit our room-or wait, was that Miss K's special friend?? Those times were some of my favorite!

Kate said...

@Harris Family...I SO knew you were going to say that! hahahahaha! I was thinking of you and your crime shows when I was typing that!

@Miss Koffman...if I could live in your preschool class forever (and not look odd and really tall in comparision) I sooo would. Have actually been thinking about going back to school for elementary ed.