Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Show Me Christmas

Week 2: My pathetic attempt at decorating

Here is my lame attempt at decorating and my even more lame attempt at taking pictures of them.

This is an old picture frame (duh).
I found it in the garage (read: D hung it in the garage and I asked if I could have it).
Then I strung lights on it and some ribbon.
Then I started getting Christmas cards.
yay woo.
Can you tell how NOT in the Christmas spirit I am?

I think someone gave this to my Mom eons ago.
I stole it from her.
Sorry Mom.
It's mine now.

I have this really weird obsession with nightlights.
I have no idea why.
I think it may have something to do with the fact that I HATE light.
I like a room with only low light.
This drives D insane as it would any normal person but I am not normal.
This is just one of about 8 holiday night lights around the house.

Grammie's tree...
Grammie loves the Greenbriar.
I say loves because I am sure that up in heaven she is sipping tea with Dorthey Draper and strolling leisurely (and without struggling to breath) down to the Spring House.
She has endless amounts of ornaments from there and had several themed trees throughout her home.
For more than 7 years I would drive up to her home around Thanksgiving and would help her set up all the trees and wrap the insane amount of Christmas gifts she tended to buy.
I set up the little tree that she bought me for my first dorm room at 18 on my favorite red book shelf and decorated it with only a handful of her collected ornaments (the tree is full if that gives you an idea of how many more there are).

I will not take a picture of my tree because I hate the lighting from the camera each time I have attempted it. So just imagine a vintage tree skirt from the 50's, big ole vintage lights that might explode and kill us at any moment, and a charlie brown lopsided tree that looks as if it had a little too much eggnog.
Ok, got that image in your noggin?
Now, imagine 99% of the ornaments placed at the very top and the rest being "cweaned" in the tree water by the Monster.
Ok, got that image?
Next, imagine presents that once had ribbons and bows on them which are now stuck in the Monsters hair, on his tummy, and flushed down the potty.
That, my friends, is my tree.

I love to decorate for Christmas but four things stand in my way...
1) time
2) my social workers paycheck
3) my lovely but very minimalistic partner in life
4) my equally lovely, often covered in some form of sticky, Monster.

Someday I will dream of a Christmas decorations that don't annoy D and that don't instantly become: necklaces (beads), baseballs (ornaments), rocket ships (the entire cast of the Nativity and some angels), and Santa Clause (read: sanity clause...thank you Chico Marx).

For some reason, I am just not in the mood this year. D mentioned the other say that I seem "not in the mood for much of anything lately". Maybe he is right. Depression? Boredom? Three sunless days and I have seasonal affective disorder? Am I just stuck in a rut?

Maybe part of it is that:

a) I've said the words "stop brushing the Christmas tree", "ornaments ARE NOT BASEBALLS", and "WE DON'T LAUNCH ROCKETS INTO THE TREE" about 4275349867938645876495 million times.

b) The sight of another plastic blow up snow globe thing in my neighbors yard might cause me to throw up a little or go get my bb gun.

c) Nothing screams "holiday cheer" like a cranky women in her pajamas (at 11am), with a cart full of $1 for 10 ornaments yelling with the cashier at the Manor Grocery store when asked not to smoke inside the store.

d) I am broke. There is no better reminder of just how broke you are than the holiday season. It's like "you need to buy --- fill in the blank---" and you suck as a parent/co-worker/neighbor/friend/and general person because you can't afford to buy one more cheese ball or the latest greatest waste of time gadget.

Hopefully, by the time next weeks Christmas post rolls around I will be in a happier mood but today I say to all those stupid happy, glade candle smelling, snow angel making, Christmas cookie decorating with shit eating grins families on TV...bite me.

Merry Christmas from K8 the Grinch.


Bobbi said...

I haven't decorated at all yet. Wait...there are sleigh bells on my front door. We finally bought a tree last night. But it's currently sitting in my garage drying. Im not in an anti-Christmas mood, I'm just lazy.

JCRHarris said...

We were seriously broke this year as well, so I made Christmas presents for my fam and only bought for the kids.