Saturday, October 22, 2011

How to Make Your Monster Eat a Carrot.

Welcome to yet another non-wedding blog.
Also, welcome to the never ending drama of trying to get my 3yo Monster to eat something other than chicken nuggets, croutons, and fruit snacks.
Oh my! Let's not forget the amazingly healthy "op-corn" that he so loves.

My Monster is a mover. The kid NEVER (even pre-walking) liked to sit in the high-chair.
I find this ironic because D spent a solid week rebuilding my childhood high chair.
Little O likes to eat things that he can carry with him and subsequently discard in a) my high heels, the seams of the couch, and all over the coffee table.
Casondra and D are both cringing at the thought of this.

Side note: he now knows how to open the freezer. So far today I have discovered half a piece of bread, a ritz cracker, and two carrots. Does he think I won't figure out that he doesn't want to eat them? Ah yes, this takes me back to a young and almost sweet, little adorable K8 who thought that by taking her glass of milk into the bathroom with her and dumping it down the drain would trick her parents into thinking that she did drink it. Little K8's fatal flaw...she forgot to rinse out the sink.

Just the way I sneak fruit into his milk/yogurt smoothies I have discovered that you can put just about anything into muffin form and my Monster will eat it.

Here is my latest edition of hidden healthier than processed frozen chicken nuggets muffins:

Start with 1 c. oatmeal (yeah! see? healthy!)...
Also, please notice two new wedding gift in the background.
OOOOh! Yeaaah!

Next up pour yourself 1 c. of buttermilk.
Personally, I NEVER have buttermilk in stock because er, I hate to bake.
So... I make my own. Simply dump about 1T. lemon juice into 1c. milk, let sit for about 2 minutes, stir, and voila!
buttermilk (kinda).

Following this step I was told several times that "my name is da mommy/ so what's your name/my name is Oldiber/That's right"!
(It scares me how much he imitates me at this age. If he starts shaving his legs then I know we're in trouble).
I headed to the fridge for some fresh eggies and whipped them vigourously while listening to the Monster sing "Mommies got da eggies/sgusting".
Clearly, he hates eggies.
Also, notice new whisk wedding gift!

Now into that 1 c. of oats that are super healthy and make my Monster grow strong, tall, and smart, and rich, and handsome (shall I keep going?)...
add your 1 c. of buttermilk and let that sit for 5 minutes.

A mommie can do a heck of a lot in 5 minutes...

take out the trash.
open a wedding gift... (spatulas!)
pick up Barbies high heels, Little Mermaids hair brush, and 945349673 "tato" head parts.
decorate the front porch with some more pumpkins.
download a new cheesey country song.
answer the question "what's that?" 495793485646 million times.

Head back into the kitchen for the "mommies a-cookin-yeeeeah!".
Combine 1 c. flour ( I used wheat for further healthiness), 1 1/2t. baking powder, 1 t. baking soda,
a TON of cinnamon, a touch of allspice, and pinch of nutmeg.
Have fun with the spices. I dare ya.

Here is what your soakin oats should look like about now...
NIIIICE and mushy.
Sounds delish, no?
I had to let mine soak a little longer than 5 minutes due to involving a "butter-jessie sammie" and some long blonde hair.
Pretty sure the Monster more than forgot where his mouth was last located.

Now plop in 1/3c. brown sugar (packed).
Listen to the Monster sing "Under-da-seeeea" while going "swimmin with da ariel/crab/fwonder". I dare you NOT to laugh as you scrub jelly out of blonde hair.

Add the whisked eggs into the sugar/flour/oat/buttermilk combo.
Make sure to do this quickily because you left a naked Monster running around in guest room.
For anyone with boys you know this scenario could go very terribly at any moment.

This is my favorite part because:
a) I nearly bleed to death trying to shred leftover baby carrots (remember D hates carrots and a girl can only eat so many).
b) I snuck several carrots into the Monster Muffins!
Oh yes, super Mom is kitchen dancing at her geniuosity.

I used some super cute muffin cups (because I am a dork and I luuuurve fall).
I always spray them lightly as it seems to really help.
Just a random tip.
At this point I realize that D will be home soon and I haven't even started dinner.
ugh and double merde.
My lazy go-to recipe:
stir fried rice.

Fill the adult muffin cups.
Fill the Monster muffin cups.
Lick the spoon and the bowl (hey, no one was home to witness me eating raw eggs and let us not forget that I have been eating cookies dough since I can remember).
Don't lie, it IS the BEST part of baking.

I told you the muffin cups were cute...

Wait about 15 minutes (8 for the mini's).
I suggest you do dishes or have a cold beer.
Remove Monster Muffins from the oven.
Curse the Texas heat for making your house a massive oven and vow to never use the oven again.
Try to explain to the Monster that the "cookies" are hot and that he has to wait a second.
Remind self that 3yo Monster has no idea what a second is.
Put two into the freezer so that the Monster will actually eat your creation.

Give the oddest eater alive 2 frozen Monster Muffins, collapse on couch and giggle as he shoves one entire muffin into that mouth and proclaims... "dewishious/nother one".
Now clean up all the crumbs he just sprayed all over.

You'd think I hate being a Mommy but not at all. I adore every single, stinking second (and trust me sometimes it really literally).

1 comment:

JCRHarris said...

I'm going to give these a shot. Rupert hasn't been eating much recently, not picky, just like a bird. They sound yummy!
Also, I love your child and his super cute words!

P.S. Blog about the wedding soon or I am going to stage a riot :)