Monday, August 15, 2011

Top 5 Bills I HATE to pay.

alright, alright... is there ever a bill anyone likes to pay?
there are those few bills that just get your goat. (not literally, as I like goats).
So, as I checked the mail today and pulled out the bill I HATE, ABHOR, DESPISE, and er, don't like??... I thought gee, "I have a hate scale for my bills".
I am that weird.

Think about it my fine friends. You know you have a Top 5.

1) First and foremost, without doubt, question, or thought: My student loans.
I am not saying that my time at IU was worthless BUT for what it cost me? Er, I'd have been better apprenticing with a social worker than all the other shit I did, read, hours, money, just to have a degree. Never mind that piece of paper now sits on my vanity behind some old birthday cards and a photo of Audrey Hepburn. Hmm? It makes a person wonder. Think about it for just a minute... the reason Sam and I didn't move to Kenya (student loans), the biggest issue when moving to Austin (student loans), thinking about a honeymoon with D (his and my student loans), our children's future college education (NOT wanting them to be saddled with student loans). I find it to be the most despicable aspect of American culture. What type of person/company would think that an 18yo is mature enough to take on 5-8k in loans a semester? And then eave them at 24, fresh out of school with a 300 a month payment???? That is just about the most awful thing I can imagine doing to a new graduate.

2) The diaper bill. I have been potty training for about a year. I am about to break down in tears and just accept that I have a son that will get married in diapers. (although I guess he'll be back in them someday...hehehe). Our life has no routine and I think that is the biggest issue. No day is the same, we travel a lot, and his caregiver changes and alternates on a daily basis. So, I just decided to quit trying because isn't that always when it happens?

3) Diet coke bill. Ok, to be honest I've been doing really really well. Sonny and Monique at work will attest that I truly am doing better buuuut...that is only because the soda machine is a long way from my office and I'm so busy that stopping at the gas station only happens when actually need gas. I am ashamed of the amount of money that I have given coke (good thing I own stock).

4) The ribbon bill. Poor D. I think I may need therapy for my ribbon obsession. I wish I could stop but I can't. I just buy ribbon and then more ribbon. I don't even know what to do with it. The cows down the road could possibly use a make-over or maybe D's sports car needs kate-ified?? If anyone out there can think of something to do with about 847384754398 lbs of ribbon (I have 4th July, Fall, Polka dot, Christmas, Easter eggs, stars, flowers...shall I keep going or do ya get the picture?). Hobby Lobby adores me.

5) I need to buy a cow. I am SO not kidding. I eat more cheese than is possibly humanly possible. I find this exceptionally funny because by brother HATES cheese and Pops only tolerates it (as in on pizza only). The first time I had cheese to die for was in college. My mom (damn I love her) came to stay with my in my firstest apartment ever. Before we headed to the opera (told ya I loved her) we had smoked gouda, a warm crusty loaf of bread, olives, and a glass of Zin (did I mention that I love her?). I remember that night so strongly. I wore this GREAT vintage dress and my mother was more than just the laundry doer, the dishwasher, the bill payer, the advice giver, and the chef. She was my best girl-friend. I was proud of all that I accomplishing in life and even more proud that I was sharing it with some that I respected above all others. I was out of the dorms. I had a 4.0. I was on my own (or so I thought). Smoked gouda opened me to the world of delicious cheese. Trust me, my cheese bill would appeal ya'll. No joke. It's so good buuuuuuuut sooooo expensive. Thanks a lot mom.

P.S. Funny things that happened in this blog:
1. I said appeal rather than apalling.
2. I invented the word firstest.
3. I want a cow for my cheese addiction and also have ribbon to adorn said cow.
4. I have proven my weirdness.


Mom2MemphisAndRuby said...

This post made me laugh! :)

Elsa's Cooking Diary said...

I also eat tons of cheese --- cheap or expensive, I will eat it. The student loan bill is my least favorite though. As for the diaper bill, I am going to TRY to cloth diaper baby number two (aka Elliot, Emmet, Samuel)... we will see how that goes.

And I live right down the street from a ton of cows, so send some ribbon this way and I can decorate them for you. :)