Saturday, August 27, 2011

A Long Talk and Monsters

A friend and I were talking today about how strongly being a mother changes how you view the world and how greatly annoying it is to other people. Not because we are annoying and talk about our Monsters/Munchkins/Squids/Princesses all the time (cause gee, we don't do that). But, more so because our focus is shifted. So, as our conversation in regards to being a mommy continued we came up with 7 Questions to make us laugh at how ridiculous being a parent can be...

1) The One Thing My Mom Did That I SWORE I'd Never Do:

Doesn't every parent have this? I swore I wouldn't have too high expectations.
My parents were very tough on me and I often felt that I wouldn't be accepted if I failed. Silly? Yes. but in the eyes, ears, and brain of a small child it is simply what I thought. It has most certainly become a strong part of my personality and probably why I chose social work as a career. The need to please at any cost is something I hope I don't make the Monster feel but I often catch myself assuming and expecting actions from the Monster that he isn't old enough to even understand.
BTW, I have already enrolled my Monster into Harvard, signed him with the NFL, and bought him a suit to wear when he wins a Pulitzer.

2) The Most Ridiculous Thing I've Ever Heard Myself Say:

I caught myself once explaining to the Monster that the cucumber we were purchasing wasn't literally Larry the Cucumber.

Monster: "I see warry!"
Me: "No, pumpkin we aren't eating Larry. This is a veggie".
Monster: "A beggie tale"?
Me: "Well, it's the kind of cucumber we can eat."
Monster: "Mommmmy, STOP EATING OUT WARRY!!!!!".
Me: "Great, someone just call Child Protective Services on me now."

3) The Earliest We've Ever Been Awoken By Our Lovely Monsters:

When my Monster was about 10 months he had a few episodes of night terrors. Sadly, once you shake them awake after the terror screaming they seem to think that it is play time.
I was a single Mom, alone in an apartment in a REALLY bad part of town, and it was 3am. We were out of juice (cause I was THAT broke), had to leave the house for the babysitters at 5:30am so I could be at work by 7:00. So guess what we did?
We drank water mixed with cocoa powder (hey, it's all I had) and played blocks. I can wager a pretty good bet that even in my most drunken college night I have never done that at 3am and had fun.
Let's not remember how tired I was at work that day. Haha!

4) When I Need a Time Out I:

a) cook something
b) take a nap when the Monster naps
c) take the Monster to the park so he can torment other children rather than Mommy
d) if it is Saturday or Sunday I sometimes ask D to watch the Monster so I can go read and have a margarita at this awesome Mexican restaurant in town called Ramos.

5) I've Never Been More Embarrassed Than When My Child:

Screamed complete and total bloody murder through all of Walmart as if I was sawing his arm off. Everyone in Walmart was very kind but then I got to be extra humiliated when A) I couldn't lift him out of the cart (he weighs about half of what I weigh and I'm a big wimp) and had to ask a guy for help. B) The Monster replies to the very kind man by hitting him and saying... "fuck it. damnit".
I wanted to die.

6) I Always Love When My Monster Says:

a) awe...hugs mommy.
b) mwah!
d) nigh nigh mommy. I wub you.
e) awe mommy! I fwound you!

7) The Best Time of Day With My Monster is:

a) the time between when Nanny leaves and D gets home
b) Cuddling at night with super hero, buzz, woody, jorge, bankie, pwincess, and several race cars.
c) when he kisses my shoulder ever morning and says "wake to the up mommy. good morning".

1 comment:

Bobbi said...

So cute! It was hard to think of just one answer for some of those! I will definitely copy this and do it tomorrow. Um, or whenever I next find time to write in my blog (don't know how you do it so often!). I also love the Monster talk.

I recently didn't have any milk in the fridge, so I mixed Ovaltine with breastmilk (previously pumped)and gave it to Meike in a sippy cup.