Monday, August 29, 2011

I am bored and sick and tired of thinking.

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?

Priscilla Pearl (Is that not the most awesome name ever?)

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?

My backyard. I hate the damn thing. He eats ALL of my lettuce and digs uber annoying tunnels under my fences.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?

Hmm, I think I had this night class on Race and War in African Politics with Eric McGlauglin at Indiana University. I may or may not have dressed extremely slutty when I went to that class. Not to mention that I was the only girl and the only undergrad in the grad course. I am super classy.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?

Nope, but I've kissed my fiance, had my knee awkwardly rubbed by a first date guy, and sobbed during my divorce to some random couple while watching Harry Potter. I've also eaten 847549835 lbs of popcorn, several thousand boxes of raisenets, and done the "I have to pee but can't leave the movie" squirm.

5. What body part do you wash first?

My left pinkie toe. Don't ask.

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?

I lived in rural Kenya. What do you think? I am a fearless pee-er.

7. What's the strangest talent you have?

I can:
a) manage to kill just about every plant known to man.
b) sing off key incredibly well
c) take naps whenever I get into a car. Even if I just woke up.

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie?

Innie all the way. Even after a baby and I never even took out my classy belly ring.

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?

I hate Pringles but have a secret love of the Pizza ones. I am more of a Goldfish eater if I'm going to go splurge. Not real goldfish though cause they are, well, slimy, raw and crunchy.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be?

D would kill me if I answered this question.
So I plead the fifth.

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?

I kinda sorta stayed out all night and then tried to sneak in and didn't answer my cell phone. My mom thought I was dead and my dad wanted me dead. Thank you 17yo Kate for being an idiot.

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block?

I can parallel like a rockin bitch! I mean I am gooood. Which is quite amazing considering that I am the worlds worth driver. I mean even my boss is scared to ride with me.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?

Can I also plead the fifth on this one? It was in my wild college days ok and it was actually 3 dates on a Friday night.

14. How many times have you been cussed out?

Let's think about that one. I used to work for CPS and removed children from their parents sooo..... 49739867549867945876 times. I then worked in an STD clinic so add on another 43849734896934857439857943875 times. I've cheated on my ex-husband and left my son's biological father so add on another 953406759867945876945876. I am now planning a wedding and have turned into bridezilla so stay out of my way.

15. Which shoe do you put on first?

The Monsters. Well, not one me you dorks... on him.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?

I just snorted wine out my nose. I work in an STD clinic, majored in Theatre, and worked in outreach for an HIV prevention program. I've been in more gay bars than a gay guy. And I love it.

18. Girls-- pretty much drive me nuts but I like big eyes.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?

Absolutely not other than that they were all intelligent. Oh, and they all liked me at one time or another.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?

Noppers, my first kiss was when I was 17 and it was in Belize and very innocent and sweet. Clearly I went down hill from there.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?

Take redneck girl + Southern Indiana + beer = cow-tipping.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?

Most likely the Monster but often a random client or case. Once a social worker/always a social worker.

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?

"Bells Don't Ring When You Are Away...oooh oh".
Best love song ever. It will always hold a special place with me even if that time and place has passed.

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?

Who came up with that question? Some really drunk and lazy person me thinks.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?

Can we change the subject, puh-leeze?! This is not a question I would think my parents would approve of and since I haven't been grounded since 17 I'd like to keep it that way.

26. What was your childhood nickname?

Kit Kat
crawdad queen
Mz. Prissy

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?

right now and I am killin it.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?

Yes, but I could only see the stinky lockers and then the girls holding me up fell over. Cheerleading fail.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?

Sang and danced using a hair brush microphone. Also once told a guy that I couldn't date him because I just got engaged.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?

Sure have. It was gross. Lesson learned.

31. How do you eat your cookie?

I despise cookies and can't remember the last time I ate one. I mean I REALLY hate cookies.

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?

Why in the hell would anyone where a belt in the gym? This is just beyond me. Better question would be: Why am I answering these questions??

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others.

I like to be topless. It just feels better. I have probably traumitized my child who now thinks that all mommies walk around topless.

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?

I can do about one bottle of wine. Then I sleep like a rock and need to drink 900 gallons of water the next day.

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?

Um, no. Although, after that one bottle of wine who knows.

38. How often do you clean out your ears?

My ears are pristine as I am part angel and part princess. duh.

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?

Ok, again with the "who the flip wrote these questions and why am I doing this"?

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?

I never got statistical data on this, so I'm not sure but since I live in Austin Texas where it is over 100 regularly I'd say rarely (since I go camando). What? TMI?

41. Do you have any strange phobias?

I am the Queen of strange phobias. I HATE HATE HATE pipes. Yes, pipes. Just thinking about them horrifies me. I can't get things out from under the sinks, NEVER do I go into basements, and I'd die before I went into a laundry room or near a water heater.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

An hot pink bead.
I was 4.
Mom said to blow out.
Guess what I did?
I sucked it in.
That's when my parents knew that they had created a brilliant child.

43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?

My ex husband had me on his shoulders and we were screaming "we are NOT a couple" (because we actually weren't at the time... just spent every second together) and he ran my head into the door frame. When he couldn't figure why we couldn't get through he tried again. I still laugh hysterically at our stupidity.

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?

Does swimming naked in the fountain in front of the Theatre on Campus count?? Cause it was fun.

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name?

Oh lordy yes.
So embarressing.

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date?

What the hell is with these weird questions. I mean who thinks about that?

47. Have you ever played naked Twister?

naked twister
drunk twister
normal twister
twister with kids
twister with family
but never twister by myself... that would be odd.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work?

Er, yes.
I used to work 6pm to 6am and my ex would drop me off at work (we shared a car). We often went to happy hour after our last class so I was definately tipsy on more than one occassion. In my defense: a) I was 21 b) I was a CNA that spent most of her time folding laundry and feeding the elderly insane. Totally doable with a couple margaritas down the hatch c) All the elderly insane adored me and one even left me her collection of owl figurines

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive?

Nope. oh wait. Yes, once but they both read the blog so I shall again stop talking.

50. Do you want to bring sexy back?

I already have. Duh.


Bobbi said...

That was a lot of questions. I may have started skimming after #37. It reminds me of the kind of letters that got passed around in high school, or middle school. So fun. You totally chickened out on most of the good questions.

I am also a Twister afficianado. Well, not so much anymore, but once you reach a certain level, it's permanent.

Elsa's Cooking Diary said...

Ok, I'm immature but question 37 made me laugh. Why would anyone do that?
I love the name, I cannot parallel park at all, cheese pringles are my fav which is why I never buy them, and I've never been to a gay bar. But I've never been in any bar. :)