Oliver play and the murderous rye seed incident.

As the days have passed I feel that one of the hardest parts of our situation is me. myself. my troubled brain. my frustration. my worry.

Oliver plays, well...like Oliver plays. It's this Momma that sees the burden.

My two latest concerns (and no, I will not be getting into the HOURS, literally, spent on the phone with insurance, doctors, etc) are his new form of play and his teeth. Yep, I said teeth. Between D and I we say "stop grinding" about 995849085 billion times a day.

Yesterday, while D ran errands I relented and let O bring the block basket downstairs. Once we put together the wooden train tracks, he spent about 30 minutes organizing all the blocks into individual piles of the same shape blocks, when that was done he went through his toy box, removed all the plastic tools and placed them on the workbench, next he headed upstairs. About 10 minutes later I headed up to make sure he hadn't climbed into the washer or decided to fly out a window.
This is what I found...

His play is very distracted and messy. He sees one thing that needs to be done.
One task to complete. Very literal.

On to the funny moment of my morning...

The Monster insisted on watching "Rick Steves Europe" on "da create tb" this morning. Sometimes I am allowed to sit with him but other times I am told to "get outta here" or "go do da cookin". So, as I mourned the fact that I am only allowed to listen about the wines of Tuscany Italy I warmed up a pumpernickle rye bagel and set out to do a little online reading about the ladybugs in my garden. It was somewhere in between bite four and five that I happened to tear off a warm piece of bagel, glance down, and see a very creepy looking bug on the edge of my thumb. After some violent hand shaking and girly screaming I realized that it was just a rye seed.
hehehe... oops.
my bad.
sorry to Mr. and Mrs. Across the Street and Crazy Next Door Neighbors far making you think I was being violently murdered...by a delicious rye seed.

He's Not Just Quirky

I've told our story to, what feels like, 4 million people...doctors, nurses, therapists, nutrionists, family, nurses, co-workers, bosses, friends, babysitters, insurance companies, human resource representatives, insurance agents, and one time to some random women in the grocery store line that may have involved tears and another teary moment in an elevator to another parent (thank you random person for telling me that I am validated in my freaking out moment.

Oliver has and always will be, just O., or the Monster, or my baby, or Oliver. I've spent the last 2 1/2 years explaining away his behavior. "He's just quirky", I'd say. "He's just smarter than other kiddos", "That just his personality", "He has a big imagination".... but then came our breaking point... and a wake-up call from my husband....

O isn't "just quirky"...

Following a moment of complete breakdown in the cracker aisle at a grocery store on our monthly, family grocery trip D looked at me, hand on my elbow, as both O and I are sobbing and said "We need to see a doctor. This is not normal and not healthy". I agreed.

"He's not just quirky".

We made an appointment with our pediatrician and our life has never been the same since. We hadn't been in the office for 5 minutes before our Doc suggested Aspergers and sent us to a Neurologist immediately. I appreciate the support from our Docs but within 2 weeks we went from a normal child to 3 therapists, a ped, a neuro, and a marriage that consists of discussing how to handle our child. I've been married to D for 7 months and been with him for 3 1/2 years and in the past 12 months we have done nothing besides handle our child. I watch O sometimes and want to scream at Doc when I can finally talk to a live person and not a v/m or an appt. 3-4 months away. I want to scream, what can I do NOW. Right now.". I've ordered book on Sensory Perceptive Disorder and Aspergers. I've been calm. I've tried discipline. I've tried physically restraining him (holding him in my arms). I've tried singing (I'll Stand By You). I've tried talking to him about blue (his favorite color), I've tried organizing his toys with him, and being a "hero".

This Mom is tired, and frustrated, and feeling guilty for not being the perfect Mommy. I lose my temper, I lash out at my husband when I can't hear myself think, my job and co-workers have more than been exposed to tears and and distraction. I've asked about a million doctors/nurses/ therapists for help and the reply I got yesterday was "you've made him a Momma's boy with weak emotions and you should be harder on him".

I've wanted a sibling for O. for a long time but I am beginning to see that there is a reason that hasn't happened and never will. My role is to fight against the world for O. It is hard to explain to someone how much time is spent making his voice known and heard and his rights uphold.

WITHOUT DUMPING HIM FULL OF MEDS!

Other Moms have said that the first year is the hardest but all I can think is that I am not the Mommy to do this. I am failing. I am lost. I love my Monster but I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I am juggling and I am scared that all the balls will fall from my grasp at any second.

9/22/2008

"Hi Honey. It's Momma. I've been in touch with the guys. I heard you've made it through with flying colors and have a beautiful son. I am so proud of you. I am just so happy and relieved that you had such and easy and great time. I know it hurt like hell but that is the name of the game. You are probably sleeping, or all of you are sleeping, as you should. I am on break from class but wanted you to know how much I love you and how proud of you I am. I can't wait to see pictures and get down to you. Waiting till Friday will be hard. Know that I love you very much sweetheart. Congrats! You're a Mom!"

That was the voicemail message from my Mother, and now named "Gaga" that is still saved on my cell phone. That is the message that I listen to when my precious Monster retreats from the world in fear of whatever noise, color, object, or emotion that sends him spinning out of control. I listen to that message and remember all the hopes and dreams and, insane plans I had about being a Mom. Those dreams didn't involve sobbing in the Walmart check-out line because your child is freaking out, it didn't involve neurologists, or endlessly talking about three blue cars but those dreams did and still do include big silly smiles, late night couch cuddles, and the occasional "mommy I lub you".

Adventures in Boring Pics: Day 1

I, as usual, planted a stupidly large amount of onions.
I do this every year.
I don't just plant onions, I plant leeks, chives, green onions, and big yellow onions because apparently I think that all we need to eat are onions.
So anywhooo, I pulled a very pretty one to take into my co-worker/partner in crime tomorrow.
He will very happy and a gog and a gast.

Then The Monster spied the "papa camera. take a smile. who's dat guy pwicture" and started hamming it up.
Notice he is naked. His new favorite state of dress.
Also notice that his hair looks normal.
That is because this is about5 minutes BEFORE I found him in my bathroom "going da hair mommy".
I've decided not to cut the other side and just let him rock the classic "I am 3yo and I cut my own hair look".

He kept closing his eyes for "take a smwile mommy"...

Food Help

I need some serious advice.

I've googled, talked to other Mom's, talked to my Midwife, my friends, and I think I even sold my soul to someone with horns for a solution to the problems occurring with the walls of 3 Forks.
The Monster WILL NOT EAT. He is slowly narrowing down what he'll eat. I spent hours today making the only fruit he'll eat (banana and applesauce muffins) and by the end of me forcing him to sit at the table and at saying "AT LEAST try a bit" we were both covered in muffin and yelling at each other. This was followed by a huge tantrum, and a time-out where he wouldn't sit, and then he screamed "stop hitting me" and stormed upstairs to his room.

This happens at every food meal unless it is:

plain bread
chicken nugget
raisons
ONLY the Sm#uckers BLUE packaged fruit snacks
(of course there are the cheetos and oreos at Gaga and Papa's house)

He won't eat anything that is sticky, gooey, hot, requires a utensil, runny, or soft. He won't even eat donuts or french fries.

I am gone from the house for every single meal that the Monster eats.
But I've been off work for past month so have seen just how truly terribly he is. He bites, pulls out his own hair, hits, screams and screams and screams.

Today I attempted to make him potty. I forced him to sit there for 20 minutes screaming before he finally went. I made a big deal about it.. ya know... "GOOD job Oliver! I am so proud! Now, do you want a treat for doing such a great big kid thing?" ... and he seriously smacked me across the face. So hard that my cheek was bright red.

We're about to enroll him in pre-school and we have our first visit in a few weeks (this is another story altogether. Let's just say there is no room in our budget for an added 400 a month. I mean really 800 a month for preschool!!! Just because both parents are employed. If I didn't work he'd go for FREE)! I digress...
I would feel TERRIBLE sending that child to spend anytime with other people.
I've had friends even volunteer to watch him so I can go to the Doctors and I am too ashamed to take up the offer. D thinks I have babied him too much and just always given him his way. Maybe he is right. I am not his primary caregiver or his primary role model. We've had 4 different sitters and everyone of them (except Cedes-Cedes who had him until 2yo) have said that he just doesn't eat.

I don't know. This is rough time at 3 Forks....between my migraines, O's behavior, and me being jobless for a month 2012 isn't looking like so much fun.
The worst part?
I gave up drinking to save money and to see if that helped my health and fertility issues.
So instead of collapsing on the couch with a nice Cab I get ice water.

But seriously, If anyone has any other advice I am open to it.
So far I have tried the following:

- repeat the same food over and over and over (this is a problem for us $ wise...it seems very wasteful) but I tried peas with butter 3X in one week and he just sits there are says "I no like it". So, he went to bed with no food.

- Leading into- we have also tried the let him wait it out until he finally eats whatever you have. Also, have tried this several times. He either tantrums himself to sleep or he just doesn't eat.

-Eat when he eats, as in, lead by example. This doesn't work because I pick him up at 6:30-7pm, get home, tubby, read a book, and he's out. D gets home around 9pm.

I am going to try one more thing. I hate to do this because we already water down his juice and milk drastically for $ reasons but I think I am going to limit him to pre-measured 6oz of juice and 12oz of milk per day and tell Nanny that "when it's out. It's out". Maybe that will get him to eat. Who knows!

Thanks for listening.

I fwee years old!

My Monster is now Three.
Three.
I'd like to say that I am okay with this but then I'd be lying to you.
We are having a full on party at the rehearsal dinner in Indiana but wanted to celebrate with friends in Texas. Also, I wanted an excuse to cook and bake.
Happy Birthday to my Monster...

I started with...
Lobster bites.
and have provided the recipe just for Ms. Elsa...



I followed the recipe pretty much to the t. except that I added a ton of cheese.
Two large handfuls of fontina to be exact (ish).
I am guessing that is around 1 1/2 c.
For those of you out there that don't cook with fontina you are totally missing out.
It melts wonderfully but still maintains a wonderful cheese flavor.
What I mean is that it doesn't take on a processed cheese after taste but it melts in the manner that processed cheese does.
It is a very mild cheese so adds that gooey, delicious cheese that we all want when we bite into a fried ball of lobster meat.

The other thing I did differently was that I bought the lobster already shelled (thank you Central Market for always having this on hand). They sell it at a discount price because it's the leftovers from the soups and stocks they sell in the deli. As in the pieces too small or pulled out of the tail etc before they use the shells for stock.
I know, to some, that sounds odd but it is always fresh and you have to specially ask for it.
They love me there.
I am known as the truffle cheese/fois gras girl.
My dad is going to read this and die a little bit.
What happened to his attempt at raising a meat and potato girl?
She eats...truffles and pate??? AH!

So, here it is.
They turned out really well. Although the first batch was super greasy (the oil wasn't hot enough).

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon white sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon onion salt
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley
• 1/2 teaspoon celery seed
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1 cup milk
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 4 lobster tails, shelled (or canned if you live in Southern Indiana or from the awesome guy in the seafood section at Central Market in Austin).
  

So, I was in a hurry (as you can imagine from the food spread/cupcake baking/house decorating situation)...
This is how it went.

Combine the lobster and all the spices in a bowl.
Please don't over mix unless you want tough lobster.
Lobster is gentle so be kind.
After that pour in half the flour, the cheese, the eggs, and cornstarch.
Mix gently.
Add the rest of the flour as needed.
(I personally wanted them more gooey so didn't use a full 3 cups)

Roll them into balls ( I used a melon baller) and put them into the freezer for about 15 minutes or longer if you have the time.

Heat up the oil.
Watch to make sure the Monster doesn't try to "tanks for helping mommy".
Fry them in about 1/2" of oil then allow them to drain.

I didn't do this.
I baked them.
They were just as perfect.
So perfect, in fact, that I didn't get to try one.

I also made an old favorite of mine in honor of Bailey who is studying abroad in France this semester. It was a super fabby appetizer...
AND I used homemade jam inside with chopped almonds.
Mmmm....



My almost sister in-law ate about 45834968 lbs of hummus while she was pregnant and her monster is nearly a year old so I had roasted garlic hummus in their honor.

I also made sweet potato fries.
To go with the fries I whipped up some garlic mayo.
D seemed to like the "opcorn" that I made for the kiddos dipped in the garlic mayo.
Super healthy.

Baby Jack on board!

Little O's gifts were plentiful indeed.
The winner of the evening was a dart gun from Brin and Skyler.
As you can see from the look of pure joy on the Monster's face...

"IIIII LUB IT"!

Next up we sang Happy Bwirthday!
And licked the icing off of all the "oliver (olive) upcakes"
And yes, I am so cheesy that I made little icing olives on top of the cupcakes and yes, it took me light-years to make icing the color of an olive.
I am that corny.

Notice that he has yet to let go of the dart gun...

D took the kiddos outside to play in the sandbox and generally run around like mad madders (thank you icing) so us adults ( I use the term loosely) watched the Colts almost win.
(Most of us are from Indiana).

Meet This Mama

The Mama Run-Down

Name:

Kate


Age:

Well, I tend to be about 21yo but occasionally I am 85yo or 3yo depending on my level of sleep and frustration.

Number of kiddos:

1 monster

Names (and meaning):

Oliver.
I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was nearly 5 months (I just thought I was getting fat). I had chosen Bennett J. (J for my "Uncle" Jeff who recently died). On the phone with my little brother (mind you he is 23) he pointed out that his initials would be BJ...kinda not cool. Max then mentioned that when he had a kiddo he wanted to name him Oliver. All in all, I stole my brothers baby name. Just one of the perks of being the eldest I think. (insert evil laugh).

The Monster.
Because he is a Monster and he destroys stuff and he picks his nose and he likes to hide in the closet pantry and scare the living daylights out of his Momma (ie..me).

Little O/Pumpkin:
Because sometimes he is sweet and cuddly and the most charming loving boy that tells me I'm a "pwincess" every time I wear a dress and curls up next to me in the middle of the night . He moves my hand so it lays on his back and every morning says "mommy kisses...mwah!".


Age of kiddos:

The Monster will be 3 in exactly one week.
My heart is attempting to stop him from growing any older and my brain is willing him to stop "dwigging in da gwarden for da flwoers".

Number of desired kiddos:

I would love to have 3 or 4 but I've had significant fertility issues so I think it'll just be Little O.

Natural {epidural?} or C-Section:

All natural! Midwife in a bathtub. Best birth ever. I didn't have drugs, take a birthing class, or push more than 3 times. I had 2 ultrasounds and zero blood work/ procedures. I did however scream (a lot) and say that I changed my mind... "I don't want a baby anymore".


Breast,Formula,or both:

Breast for 3 months (unless Mommy had a couple glasses of wine) and then formula. The Monster decided he didn't want to latch anymore and I worked full time so we went to formula at 3 months and milk at 9 months.

Cloth or Regular:

I had big dreams of doing cloth but take single Mom and add full time job, a divorce, and an hour commute to work with all your family and friends living 1500 miles away = cheap walmart diapers.

SAHM or Work {doing what}:

When I first delivered I was working for Child Protective Services. WORST. JOB. EVER. And I am fairly certain that I don't need to explain why. Then I was laid off for about 6 months (which was perfect timing because my Grandmother became seriously ill and passed away.) On the day of her funeral I got a call about an interview for my dream job. Then I GOT THE JOB! So now I am a Disease Intervention Specialist. I am back working in HIV/AIDS and STD awareness and prevention. YAY! I have great co-workers, love my clients (usually), and take pride in having a successful and note-worthy career.
Miss Mo thinks I should quit and cook for a living.
:)

Something that many people don't know about you:

I want to be a SAHM but secretly know that a) I could never lose my independence and b) I judge Mom's that do SAHM even though I am jealous of them. I know that none of that makes sense but it's an insecurity and a very bad character trait. I'm sorry. It's a love/hate thing.


Mama Questions


8. What is the best remedy for a diaper rash?

My oh my, we have dealt with this sooo much. Little O has very sensitive skin ( I mean, come one, he's toe headed, fair skinned, and blue eyed). To this day I have to dilute his juice by over 50% or it is an instant rash. The creams never ever work but I discovered that a TON of baby powder in each diaper and the rash is gone by the next change.

I LOVE baby powder.

10. What is your opinion on TV?

I HATE it. I really really do. I never had TV as a a kid (only movies) and I never could afford it in college. I do let Little O watch Pixar movies and the Old Disney movies but I screen them for the ones I find the least annoying. Our current favorites are: Toy Story, Horton Hears a Who, and The Little Mermaid.

12. Do you believe in the cry it out method?

Absolutely. As a single Mom I learned that life is a tad harder when you're on your own 100% of the time. I also have a child that can easily switch to Monster mode.

13. What are the benefits of co-sleeping?

Er, feet up your nose, baby sighs, baby cuddling, being karate chopped in the middle of the night, waking up to a dirty diaper bum, and 3am kisses.

23. How do you deal with the terrible two's?

Never go anywhere. Just kidding.... I have noticed that the tantrums usually occur when the Monster is either overly tired or overly stimulated (ie Walmart, parks with a lot of other children) so I try and avoid both scenarios.

27. How do you find the right daycare or babysitter? What questions to ask?

Believe it or not, I have found all of my nannies on Craigslist and I haven't had any serious issues at all. I left one because I asked for no TV and she was using TV as a babysitter. I usually ask for references and write out a list of "to dos" and appropriate foods, activities, etc. Our newest Nanny is awesome and Little O and Miss. K get along like twins.

30. How do you discipline your child without being too harsh?

I try to explain to him why he is in time out but I have definately been very harsh with him. Especially if he's a repeat offender.
(read: I want juice so I will open the fridge door and sit inside so that I run up the electric bill).

31. Is teaching my baby sign language worth my time?

Hahaha, my son can hardly focus long enough to brush his teeth. The idea of sign language makes me giggle. I think he may have flipped me off once though.

40. What has been the hardest part of parenting?

Leaving him at a sitter/nanny's home. Not because I haven't trusted the sitter/nanny but because my arms literally ache for him by the end of the day.

42. What is your biggest fear as a mother?

Losing my Monster. I am certain I could not go on. Even just mentioning it makes me choke up.

45. What are some of your favorite resources (books, websites, etc) for mothers?

I would say that I have actually learned the most about parenting simply through experience. Ya try something and if it works roll with it. If it doesn't work ya try something else. I also call my Momma about twice a day. haha! Not kidding.

46. What does your schedule look like on a typical day?

Little O wanders into our room at about 3am so I wake to a blaring alarm and usually drool down my neck (his. although sometimes mine), rush around like a mad women, drop him at the Nanny's home, sit in the car for my hour commute, say a few choice words to other drivers (Austin traffic is insane). I then transition from Mommy Kate to work Kate and spend the next 8-10 hours being an adult. Commute home (this also stinks), possibly stop for juice, diapers, or milk (the trinity of items we seem to constantly be lacking), start dinner, do the dishes, make lunches, tubby time, clean up toys, check FB and blogs, clean up toys, get mad about cleaning up toys, turn on a movie, read a nigh-nigh story, wait for Daddy to get home, feed Daddy, put the Monster to bed, collapse on couch, remember that I forgot to water the garden and take out the compost and recycling. Do that whilst complaining, do some sewing or read a magazine. Go to bed and repeat.


47. How did you survive the first two months?

Oddly enough, the first two months were easier than now. I wasn't working, had no where to be, and my world revolved around Mommy schedule and no one else's. To top it off I got to spend every minute with my precious new life. It doesn't get better than that.

48. What are some things every mom must have?

Patience and a glass of wine.

55. if you could do anything differently, what would it be?

I probably would have taken the child support money. This may seem too personal (and it probably is) but I have sole custody and am the only parent on his birth certificate. I've denied, over and over, any legal intervention monitarily. When Little O was an infant I was so protective that I couldn't bear the thought of having to "share" him (so to speak). I paid a tough price for this. I won't go any further but that is certainly a big regret. I wish I had known when to ask for help and that all people need help sometimes.

57. how does one go about traveling with a child/children? what are the tricks of the trade? help!

I've flown several times alone with the Monster and made numerous drives to my parents home in Indiana alone. The first was when he was only 3 months old and I was breast-feeding. I kid you not, I pumped and drove at the same time. The biggest, most helpful items have been regular stops at parks or rest stops to play ball or just run around like crazy and (sorry to say) the mini-dvd player. We must have watched Despicable Me 39465906754 times this summer. I also invented a system where I "let" him have certain snacks ONLY when we are going to Gaga and Papa's house and I build it up the week before we leave. For example, I start a few days before we leave telling him that we can have popcorn when we "go to da bye-bye". My other trick is to leave at 4am. Last time I did this he went back to sleep and didn't wake until 10am.
It was perfect.

With my Grandparents at 8 months pregnant...

I know it wasn't much but our house was pretty small.
His room now has a chalkboard wall and clouds on the ceiling.

Here is the 2 1/2yo Monster...



The Monster as Little O the adorable 6 month old...

When I was a kid my father would ALWAYS say (and it drove me crazy then)...

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life".

Simple? Yes.
Important? Absolutely.

Coming up on Year 3

About this time every year I start thinking about being pregnant (and if you know me that's a lie...I think about being pregnant again all the time). But, at this time of year I think about being 9 months pregnant and ready to meet the Monster.

It never even occurred to me at that time to think about:

"Would I be a good Mom?"
I knew I would.

"Was I scared of labor?"
Not at all.

"Did I complain about my tummy?"
Never. I loved it.

Being pregnant was emotionally trying for other reasons (men issues) but the psychical and emotional part of carrying a child was incredible and is still the greatest, most humbling, and spiritual experience of my life. I have never felt more alive, calm, and at peace with myself than when I was carrying life.
That sounds stupidly corny but I know there are a million Mommies out there that know that feeling. It is nearly impossibly to explain to someone else what it feels like.

I was blessed with an easy labor and a wonderful Momma to call and tell me that "this isn't fake (you idiot) go to the midwife."
It takes a village, riiight?
So, this morning I was scanning through some old pictures and came across one of me on 9/11/2008. So I thought I'd share.

In honor of my Monster's upcoming birthday here are a few tummy pictures.
I carry him now.
I'll carry him when he's 16. 28. 58. (Not literally as I'd be crushed).
He's my son.
My first son.
I will always carry him through anything.
He is the child that gave me the strength to finally stand up for myself and that has been beside me through the worst of times and yet every morning he lays his head into my neck and says "wets go to da dwonstairs and gets bweakfast, ok mommy/I lub you/morning/go now to see da buzz woody/monsters/pwincessses."

I love this tummy...
9/11/2008...
3 years ago today...

9/21/2008...

(The day before I went into labor)

7/015/2008..
(7 months)

6/20/2008...
(6 months)

5/30/2008...
(5 months)